I'm not talking not because I hate you. I'm not talking because I think it is better to stay that way. Be safe. Be happy. :)
a chill-hangout which then turned into a serious subject case of mind discussion. *too epic? :P   

him : just so you know, you are the number one in my list.

me: which mean?

him : i'm trying to get you, at first, and still.

me : numb. oh okay. i'm pretty surprise.

him : and i'm gonna be surprise if any man ever get into your list.


him: i'm joking. it seems so hard for any man to get into your heart. you should give them chances, you see.

me : i've put everyone in my number one list. but the pain and the wounds they threw at me in return, 
man, that were really hurt. those are still hurt.......

me : but i've never learned from the past. i still put the in my number one list.

him : it seems to me that you labelled men as everyone. you should learned that every single man is different, and please, and i'm sorry to say this, the bitches and m.f(s) who hurt you, they are nothing like the other man. woman and man are different dear. muddle up everything will make you suffer in the end. you are torturing yourself. its not okay to let your heart being hurt, over and over again. pick yourself up. there is no problem being too big-hearted. its  just, to who should you be like one. give a chance to yourself. give a chance to any man. give a chance, to me.

me : that was really, a long speech. *being cocky i know interrupting the serious midst. urgh loser.

me : but that was so sweet.  and full bunch of advices. *numb. NUMB. NUMB.

me : you buat ape tu? *urgh, seriously?!!

him : trying to get a wife.

me : *gulp. 

me : oh, my mom's calling. till thennn. tc.

him : it's okay. later take care too.. :)
Read a quote.

Deleted a facebook status.

Have come to realize.

That I should be carrying my mouth they way I should, acting like I should. Like what a muslim should.

Doesn't matter what do I feel. What matters most is what does He feels when I'm not being like what I should. Using His, body and soul, which borrowed not for so long, to me. :)
Everything, for now, is beyond words. I couldn't put anything into words. Its a major problem that somehow I've no idea how to solve. May Allah guide me all way long. Ameen. 
Sakit belakang macam tak pernah nak serik ja? -__- Pape jela. Dah terlalu berseronok seminggu dua ni. Bila nak masa nak focus study haih I don't know. Tiap masa stress. Haha. Masa tak stress? Masa makan. Dah bertambah koleksi orang yang cakap, 'tia dah gemuk ye sekarang?'. Maka jawapannya. 'a ah'. Haha. Kesahhh la. Ya saya akan kurus balik, err bila saya dah ready nak exercise tak buat kepala hangin macam sekarang. :D:D. My BMI sikit je nak normal. Bukan nye sikittt lagi nak obese pon. As long as my health is okay, and I think mungkin la okay sekarang, kot. Haha. Exam esok lusa tak reti nak insaf susahla. -.- Tell me when is the last time I faham pasal accounting, econs bagai ni? Tak pernah. Not having any basic in it bla bla bla. Ahh alasan malas kau tu fathiah. :P Kat library kena kurangkan online ni. Kena focus. Sekurangnya kalau kt rumah tak study, in fact, memang tak pon, kat library kenala ada effort nak study kan? Susah lah gini kalau 6 killer subjects minus the hard work, minus the class yang I ponteng, minus lagi masa main main, minus this and that, abis cane nak baiki cgpa jadi 3.7 nye punn. Taknak dah rosakkan rekod. :( Sekali kena, kemain rasa down nya. Haih, orang cakap yang I'm doing just fine, guys, you really need to know this, I bukan nya jenis yang suka berputus asa, but the thing is, I kalau dah jatuh, I susah nak bangun balik. Pardon my poor malay. Tu lagi satu I kena baiki, bm I bukannya teruk bagai nak pengsan punya tahap, tapi I feel so bad, not doing so well in my own bahasa. I dah mula baca buku melayu dah sekarang, to be exact, puisi and such, I rasa puisi melayu sangat puitis, they have the double and even multiples kind of meaning behind one sentence. Awesome much? Yes it is. Hihi. I'm trying my very hard here to keep on my emotional and spiritual at the same pace. I'm changing myself, not to much, not to fast, but I want to make sure that, if I did that, I nak benda tu berterusan. Susahnya nak maintainkan benda yang baik kan? Nak buat jahat senangnya. *ketuk kepala sendiri sebab terasa. I kena kerja kuat, kena kerja kuat. Kerja kuat bukannya malas, selalu nak bertangguh kan. *ketuk kepala sendiri lagi kuat sebab terasa. Till then, I nak tido dah. Tomorrow is going to be a new day, no? Pray for anything, expect less than nothing, have faith in everything. Much love. :) 
kadang langkah terkaku,
bukan kerana dinginnya salju,
tapi beratnya hati.

kadang mulut terkunci,
bukan kerana jerihnya di lelangit,
tapi ditenggelami derita.

kadang hati membeku,
bukan kerana bencinya kalbu,
tapi ruangan itu wujud, antara kau dan aku.

Do not make me stop caring. Because when I do, there's no u-turn.
my life is not always that awesome. i find difficulties sometimes. and they break me down, sometimes. of all cries and such, man, i've been there, quite a regular customer i must say. :I

Even this small piece of my artwork makes me happy. Afterall, I shoot not to impress people. I shoot because it makes me happy. :)
Be kind to your heart and stop worrying about the things which is out of your control. Let Allah handle them. 

True indeed. :)
Hurting you isn't my choice. But it is my only option. I'm so sorry. :(
Ahh, you came back. With one perfect excuse. Man, you're killing me. What is so wrong with me being a single? What is so wrong with me making up my own reasons? What is wrong with me being not-so-dependent? Ahhh, don't just came and blurting your accusations. You don't know how I passed the years, you don't know the sacred that lies within me. You don't know, and I think you don't really care. You never care, and why should you now? I get tired of dramas, of your dramas, please, don't bother around to fix everything. I   couldn't care less. You have nothing to do with me, and glad to say, your attitude isn't going to melt me down, again. Thank you for the sweet talk, I have enough. I have a tremendously wonderful people around me, without you wouldn't change anything. Oh well, you did change me once, that once taught me everything. And now, if you may, go now, forever? Like pretty please? :)
I looked happy, no?

Be with someone who can’t stay mad at you, who can’t stand not talking to you, and who’s scared of losing you.
6th October 2011.
today is my baby's birthday.
whom i love so much, whom i care so dearly.

to cherish the moments, to cherish the upbringing years that had grown so much people.
she is indeed the best one that you could ever have.

may all the best wishes with her.
may all the happiness will be hers.
may all what the best the world could ever bear shall be hers.

for i love her.
so dearly.

Happy Birthday My Baby, Sharifah Syamimi Syed Omar.

Yes, its been a while since I update blog ni kan?
Been to sarawak, meeting new friends, hijacking the not so good friend (haha), and yes, most of all, recharge myself. Too many dramas, too many this and that, kadang kadang jadi muak tak terkata dah. But fot the sake of that people and this people, to bear with it is a must. Man, I'm too tired for some other cheap drama. You are a man, be a MAN, not an actor who simply go here and there, bluffing about this and that. Ergh, ikotla pape pon. Malas nak pikir. See? I malas nak fikir. Jadi you jangan susah susah nak jadi pemikir tuk I. Jaga diri you tu, I tak mintak pape, in fact, I bukan jenis yang suka mintak bukan bukan gedik hingaq bukan bukan dengan orang yang bukan bukan. Hihi. Tak best ah bebel. Nak pegi makan, lagi best. Byeeeeeeeeeee.