Extremely busy. Don't know what I'm busy with. Tadi I pecut gila ntah kene saman ke tidak tapi peduli lah. Urgent. Okay I rasa weng rasa mcm nak suruh semua orang shut up, fix your ownself, ignore me, bye. Hah gitu. Okay bye. *emo. Hhaha
Why don’t we know for sure the exact night of Lailatu al-Qadr?

Allah kept the exact night of Lailatu al-Qadr a secret so that his servants would strive harder seeking it in all the final ten nights, just as he has made the exact time in which supplication is accepted every Friday unknown so that we would increase in our Du’a the whole day. He has also hidden from us his pleasure and acceptance of deeds so that we will seek his pleasure all of the time in his obedience. The time of our death and the exact time of the day of judgement are known only to Allah so that all people would strive to do their best all of the time and not wait until the end.

Source : Tumblr.

If i even remain in sajda forever, it still won’t be enough to thank Allah for all the blessings he has given me. Alhamdulillah.

To assume that everyone is an angel, I look pretty naive, ain't I? I forgot that there is two nature of human in this world, the good and the bad. Unless I have the true confide in you, you can't really bid for my trust. Well, I'm sorry for being bitter, I've learned from my past, being merely sweet or such IN FRONT of me doesn't make you look any different if you are talking rubbish about me then. I don't mind actually, sebab out of all my friends, you are the only one standing alone my dear. I'm not holding any grudges, please don't take me wrong. I am a new person, it looks pathetic to get upset over that kind of situation kan? After all, I've been through a lot, not as much as our Prophet Muhammad pbuh but most importanly, I've learned. That's the way He is trying to teach us kan. You might get hurt, you might get torn, but truly, you have to pick yourself up and fix the wound. And to you, its not too late you see. People make mistakes. That's why we are calling ourselves human, not angel. Be nice my dear, it shows who you really are. And don't worry about me, it doesn't hurt me much for me to hate you. I reflect my own sins. Thus, should you. Assalamualaikum. :)


25th of August 2011.

Few years backward, with the same date, two of my beloveds were born.
Happy Birthday to both of you, mademoiselles. Both of you are indeed a good friend and even a better person. May Allah bless you with wonderful times ahead. I wish for you to have people to love, people in your life who will care about you as much as I do. With each year I'll love you more. Remember that your best years are still ahead of you and I'll be there for every up, down and in between. Happy Birthday my loves, Siti Hajar 'Aishah Ahmad, Siti Sarah Sukri@Badri. I love you so much.
she is sooooo pretty, ain't she? :*
ni satu lagi cantiknyeeh. :*

p/s : Please please tuntut hadiah dengan tia ye. Kikiki. Miss you both, muah. :*
My jantung isn't functioning well. Pretty paranoid? Yes I am. Been through an illness that somehow WAS your borderline between life and death, oh yes I'm pretty sure if my own body isn't working as what it should. Not telling my mum. No no. I could barely inhale my oxygen, maybe my asthma? But I don't know. That feel weird. This feel weird. During my buka puasa last few days, I gulp some drink, and pretty shocking actually, I couldn't swallowed my drink. Well, I could, after few minutes! Its like there's a stone in my heart, which then hurt me so bad. I think I'm gonna passed out tapi alhamdulillah, I'm not. Take my leisure time for example, everytime I'm trying to cool down, get a rest for a minute, this guts, I don't really know how to put it into words, really. Its like my jantung is burning. I have to gasping for air using my mouth. There is something wrong with my jantung, I can feel it. Or am I just exaggerating the whole situation? But I know there is something wrong.
Rindu MMU. :I
Dunia ini tidak akan mampu menghancurkan kamu, melainkan kamu yang memberinya kebenaran. Dunia ini tidak akan mampu memiliki kamu melainkan kamu memberinya kunci, memberinya hati kamu. Sekiranya itu terjadi, ambil kembali milik kamu. Ini bukan pengakhirannya. Kamu tidak perlu kecewa di dunia ini. Ambil kembali hati kamu, tempatkan ia di tempat yang sepatutnya : Bersama Allah. :)
People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are succesful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
Ku harap galaksi persahabatan ini kekal begini.
Biarkan rasa yang pelik itu cuma menerpa.
Kerana ku yakin, inilah orbit yang kucari.
Cukupkan rasamu demiNya.
Harus juga kau tahu, orbit ini milik Dia semata.
My dear Jacqueline Grace Hendrick.
If life tortures you much, be thankful for that. If life make you happy, be thankful for that. We aren't someone who bound to justify our future, we just have to make the best of it. I'm not the best person for you to seek advise sebenarnya, but I want you to know that, I'm here to listen to you, to be with you. Well, sometimes we fall in love with the wrong person, but that 'wrong' person prepared us for the 'right' one. I believe your right one is still out there, waiting for you. Don't be afraid to change, as you may lose out on something good, but you may gain something better. I hope that dear heart of yours would be able to stay still, and stay strong, the tides coming might be even bigger than before. There's no wrong of crying, it will soothe you, but I want you to believe in yourself and put this in your mind, don't wasting your time taking care the heart of those who doesn't even bother to take care yours. I love you so much to see you breaking down like this. Much love sweetheart. :*
2oth of August 2011.

Happy Birthday my dear Nasuha Suhada. May Allah be with you. May His love brighten your days. I wish that you will soon, realize that your tears aren't for those who left you out, because you are indeed a wonderful woman who shall not be upset over those little thingy. I hope one day, one person, one Rejal, who sent by Allah will treasure you, will appreciate you, will love you now and hereafter. I miss you so much, see I'm crying dah. :( Rindu nak shopping, makan, bercerita sama sama. :( Hoping that all the best things will come over you. Be good, be blast my dear. I love you so much. Muah :*

p/s: nak pelokkkkkkkk haaaaa. :I

Oh Allah…

I told you: I’m in pain

You said: ‘Do not despair of the mercy of Allaah’ (39:53)

I told you: Nobody knows what is in my heart

You said: ‘Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest’ (13:28)

I told you: Many people hurt me

You said: ‘So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them’ (3:159)

I told you: I feel I’m alone

You said: ‘We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein’ (50:16)

I told you: My sins are so many

You said: ‘And who can forgive sins except Allah?’ (3:135)

I told you: Do not leave me

You said: ‘So remember Me; I will remember you…’ (2:152)

I told you: I’m facing a lot of difficulties in life

You said: ‘And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out’ (65:2)

I told you: I have many dreams that I want to come true

You said: ‘Call upon Me; I will respond to you.’ (40:60)



Bukan tidak suka.

Bahkan jauh sekali ingin membenci.

Saya cuma tidak kuat ingin menolak rasa yang kadang-kala menerpa.

Lantas kerana itulah saya melarikan diri.

Kerana saya tahu saya bukanlah srikandi yang teguh imannya di hati.

Saya cuma hamba yang kadang-kala jatuhnya tidak diingini.

Saya tahu amat sukar bagi anda untuk mengerti.

Andai anda ingin melarikan diri.

Tiada lain saya harapkan melainkan diredhakan hati.

Kerana saya tahu rencana Illahi adalah sebaik-baik ketetapan buat diri.

Lantas, siapalah saya untuk menyanggahi?

Andai ingin menanti.

Janganlah anda merapati.

Kerana saya pasti menjauhi.

Bukan kerana membenci tetapi

Kerana saya bukanlah srikandi yang tebal imannya di hati.

Buat hati yang menangisi.

Pergilah dikau mencari redha Illahi.

The scar on my flesh reminds me of that.
The burn on my arm left a scar that I love.
I love it because it reminds me how weak I am.
How human.
That I burn. That I bleed. That I break. That I scar.
Yes. It is here that I am. Here that I fall. Here that I cry.
Here, just the same, that You filled that room, and lifted me to humbleness, and an acute knowledge of my own powerlessness and excruciating need for You.
And then you took care of it.
Of course You did.
Of course.
Like Younus, and Musa, and his mother. You took care of it.
You are the Peace of the peaceful.
The Strength of the strong.
The lighthouse of Truth in this storm of lies.
So, I found myself praying for peace today.
Allah knows we’re weak. We are weak. But subhannAllah so much of our sins are motivated by not really knowing how much He loves us. We don’t let Him fill us with His love, so we are empty. Because of our emptiness we may fall into sin because we’re trying to fill our emptiness through something else. The antidote is only one thing. Realize, feel, know how much you are loved. A love that never dies, never wanes, never fails. Let that fill your heart and make you smile :).
Yasmin Mogahed
Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.
Alright. I think I'm growing up by days. Every time I look at others, I reflect, would I rather be like that, or wouldn't I? If I were in my past time, yes, without any hesitation I would say, I would love to. I'd look pretty, and hello, people is looking! At me! But now, when that kind of look, stunted me, I would say, it's okay. I've been there, well I've tried that anyway. I love what I'm wearing and who I am. Don't take my words wrongly, its not that I'm saying that your outer, appearance plays the role, but I've learned this, You love Allah, you do good deeds, You love Allah, you seek for Him, You Love Allah, why not you wear what He asks you to, to make Allah love you. I not the prefect woman, no one does. But, we changed ourselves to be a better one. Be it whatever people's views, who cares, really? After all, His attention that we seek the most.

But, I have this one principle. That I would love to keep till the very end. Do not judge anyone, just anyone, by what he/she is wearing, in fact, look inside, and see what you couldn't see from the outside. Just don't. If you were my friend, and by coincidence, or not, having this kind of habit, to judge people, I tak kan buang masa nak sental you kat situ jugak. I mean, who are you to judge your own mankind? Grow up! I just can't stand this peerrrrefect people who saying this and that, but look at yourself. Have you brush enough? Lebih baik masa terluang you tu, you bawak istighfar, dekatkan diri pada Dia.

Aahh yes, this one thing. Snap on my mind. You turn to Him, and you will realize how much you will turn yourself from the bad deeds. Try yourself. And don't forget. Du'a du'a du'a du'a. He loves you when you ask to no one but Him.

Ramadhan is still on! Let's keep up our ibadah. (Note to myself)
indah bicara.
kalut aturannya.

andai yang lain mampu gah melihat langit.
dia pasrah.
andai yang lain lebar senyumnya.
itu kebahagiaanya.

Because He takes His time to get the best for His creations.
Dear self,

I wish you would feel good about yourself without having to obtain the attraction from those guys who gawk at you all day. I wish you would feel good about yourself without having to make other girls jealous of your body. I wish you would love the skin you were in, without taking your clothes off. I wish getting compliments from others wasn’t a way for you to feel better. I wish you would look in the mirror every day and realize that Allah swt has given you an honour which you don’t cherish at all, the honour of being a Muslim. I wish you would see that when Allah Azzawajal gives you an honour, it stands higher than any complement, honour or stare you can get from any human being. I wish you would see that you don’t need to shed your modesty to gain respect from others. I wish you would realize that respect in the eyes of Allah is greater than anyone else’s respect. I wish you would have the courage to not care what people think when it only matters what Allah thinks. I wish you would stop this need to feed your soul with their acceptance of you. I wish you would love you for you, so you wouldn’t need anyone else to love you.

I wish you would see that, that girl in the hallway, in her hijab lowering her gaze feels sorry for you because of how you perceive yourself even though you feel sorry for her on how others perceive her.

And I wish you will remain strong for now, and forever.

Its at the times when I can’t breathe anymore that Allah blows more life into me.
Perempuan ini.
Dulunya selalu ceria, hidup tanpa mengira sesalan didada.
Hingar disekelilingi disambut riang, umpama tiada kemelut dalam hatinya.
Perempuan ini, yang dulunya percaya hatinya cukup utuh untuk ditembusi adam.
Yang percaya, dan masih percaya, cinta itu bermaksud setia.

Namun perhitungan dariNya melangkaui cetek akalnya seorang manusia.
Perempuan ini, hatinya, diberi cinta.
Cinta yang disangkanya kekal sampai bila bila.
Siapa tahu, cinta manusia itu mainan semata.

Perempuan baik untuk lelaki yang baik, lelaki yang baik untuk perempuan yang baik.
Mana mungkin yang baik balasannya jahat, mana mungkin yang jahat balasannya baik.
Perempuan ini sudah lelah semput keluh mendengarnya.
Apa mungkin setiap kata itu punya janji.
Apa mungkin anggapan manusia itu harus di iyakan.

Perempuan ini semakin hilang kepercayaan.
Hatinya dirobek, di pecahkan menjadi picisan, menjadi kepingan halus yang sekarang masih lagi terbenam garisan tampalanya.

Manusia itu berkata, sedang hati dan fikiranmu bergolak, ikut kata hatimu, pasti benar.
Maka perempuan ini mengatakan, kepingan dan picisan mana yang harus perempuan ini ikut? Arah mana setiap satunya menuju?
Sunyi. Sepi. Tanpa balasan.

Perempuan ini sudah lelah mempercayai, sudah hilang cintanya, sudah kelam kasihnya.
Apa punya adam yang boleh memberi sinar kembali?
Perempuan ini pantas menggeleng, bukan sekarang katanya.
Perempuan ini mengenal cinta, cukup sekali, dan cukup untuk membuatnya serik berkata sayang lagi.

Tangisan hati perempuan ini.
Biar lihatnya mendongak kelangit, berkata ceria, memecah sunyi tawanya.
Rahsia hati, cuma Dia dan perempuan ini yang fahami.

Kemudian didakinya perempuan ini kesabaran, ditarahnya kebahagiaan, disulamnya senyuman, dimaniki air mata, dan akhirnya.
Perempuan ini tahu, Dia sudah merancang dan bersedia memberi apa yang layak untuknya. Bukan apa yang dipintanya.
Kerana apa yang dipinta perempuan ini jauh tidak dapat menandingi apa yang layak baginya.

Perempuan ini sedar, cinta itu mengajar pengorbanan.
Yang kadang kedengaran melodrama agak tragis buat sesetengah orang, yang kedengaran badutnya pada sesetengah orang, tapi kedengaran ucapan pasrah dan redha pada Tuhannnya bagi sesetengah orang.

Yang melihat, hanya sekadar melihat.
Yang mendengar, hanya sekadar mendengar.
Yang menangis, perempuan ini, yang menangis, hati perempuan ini, hanya Dia tahu perit jerihnya.

Perempuan ini tahu.
Rejal untuknya sedia menanti.
Perempuan ini juga tahu.
Hidupnya bukan untuk disiakan.
Masih jauh perjalannya menuju yang abadi.
Yang pasti, perempuan ini tahu
Dia tidak mendapat cinta adamnya sekarang kerana cinta Penciptanya terlebih dahulu menyinggahi hatinya.

Dan perempuan ini masih percaya, cinta itu bermaksud setia.
I miss you. I really do. Blimey, I'm crying. Again.
Regret, repent, relief. Allah is the Most Forgiving indeed. Use your mistakes as a gateway to get closer to Him, rather than away from Him. Turn to Him again and again and never give up hope because if Allah wills something, regardless of how impossible it may be, it’ll happen. :)
I discovered this from my beloved kakak, Siti Sarah. Very meaningful indeed.

And as for me, throughout my life I've been a Muslim. In fact, I was born a Muslim. But only recently have I discovered the beauty of Islam and I'm trying to be a good Mukmin, not merely just a Muslim. InshaAllah. :)

Aaah yes. I've made up my mind before. To do not trust anyone. To do not trust people anymore. I used to believe whatever they are saying, whatever their views are. Aaah yes, I am that cruel woman. Whom ignored the sincerity just for the reason that people keep on hurting me. And yes, I don't have any reason to just believe a stranger who trying very hard to be my beloved, and then flee away. And never came back. Period.

But somehow, there is someone. Who came by and just do the listening part. Listen to my stories and bebbling. The one who I never thought would be my closest ever. She accompanied me. She the one who feel the pain out of my wound. Alahai. I really love her more than what she could imagine. Just for the fact that we are being so comfortable with each other, we can tease each other, without any butthurt and such. She is really a sister, my counsellor, my teacher and indeed my best friend. Thank you for everything. So much. I love you, Nur Hidayah Ghani. So much.

The cruelest thing you can do to a person, is pretend they mean more to you than they actually do.

Hati I rasa sakit sangat. Bukan rasa sakit sebab benci atau dendam, tp sakit sedih. I teringat kenangan semalam yang sepatutnya dah lama I buang jauh jauh. T p I still ingat. Tak senang nak lupa memori. Selagi I masih ingat benda tu, selagi tu memori tu wujud. I taktahu sejak bila I jadi kuat tahan semua benda yang menimpa. I taktahu sejak bila air mata I jadi kering. I pon taktahu kenapa senang sangat tembok yang I bina, kekuatan yang I dapat tu musnah macam tu je. I rapuh. Sangat. I menangis tiap masa. I tak mengeluh tp I teringat balik, betapa bodohnya diri I dulu. I gagah sangat nasihat orang pung pang pung pang, tp I sendiri terjatuh. I tak kisah kalau jatuh longkang, sbb I tau I masih boleh bangun dan panjat keluar. Tp I jatuh gaung, gaung yang I sendiri taktahu dalamnya, yang I sendiri taktahu apa yang ada tunggu I kat bawah sana.

Tp I rasa itu adalah life lesson yang paling berharga pernah I dapat. I belajar macam mana nak lepaskan benda yang kita saying, I belajar untuk lebih hargai orang, yang penting, I belajar untuk jadi seorang yang I sendiri pon I taktahu I boleh jadi.

Gaung yang I jatuh tu, dalam. Sakit sangat. Tp I tak mati. Allah selamatkan i. dia beri I ubat yang paling berkesan yang paling mujarab, kesabaran.


Assalamualaikum. It's been a while since I update this blog kan? Alhamdulillah. We are giving much opportunity by Him to perform my favourite month of all, Ramadhan. It's a holy month, for us to tarbiyah and educate our ownself. To be a grown-up, to be a mukmin, to be someone better than we were. I believe He is giving me this opportunity for me to change myself, to reflect myself of all my worngdoings during the past. I've forgot much about the grudges, about the past that hurt, about the people whom abandoned me, used me and such. Alhamdulillah, I think He helps me along to clean all those sins. Afterall, all the good things come from Him, and the bad things, come from my own khilaf. I'm giving Him all the rights to settle my dunia's matters. I'm not a good person. And I'm trying to change that, InshaAllah. Semoga Allah sentiasa ada bersama kita. Allahuakbar!