A sudden.

It's an-early-in-the-morning-feeling that make my heart pounded. It's weird. I guess it's a 'missing' syndrome. Or just a feeling. Was it too much if I've ever hoped that we will get back together, for good this time, forever till jannah? Long lost memories come and hit me again, please don't hit me hard. Second time is not good to play around you see.

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Just a simple talk.

Well, I just have a feel to write this. 

To be what I am now, it's not that easy. And to be you is not that easy too, so embrace yourself people! Difficulties, they are everywhere. But I've once listened to a talk given by Dr. Muhaya, she said that, despite of focusing to all the difficulties or challenges or sickness that we've been going through, why don't we just appreciate of what we have now? Be grateful for them as there are so many graces that Allah gave us that could empower all the difficulties. For example, if people ask, 'hey, how are you?', we should have replied, 'Alhamdulillah, I'm feeling good.' instead of 'I'm good, but I think I'm going to catch a fever soon'. My dear, we haven't get any fever yet, but it seems like we are celebrating and inviting it to come, didn't we? Well, I used to replied in that manner before*slap*slap. Indeed, we can't change ourselves instantly, but we will, slowly and istiqamah, if we are determined to. A journey to be a better Muslim is not easy, but it is not that hard either. I've seen that scenario around me. Pluck the courage inside you, because deep down, every human being just want to be a good and better human being. 

This is the least of what I have to pay for what I aimed for. Pengorbanan. It demands more than just a homesickness. Grab almost all my souls. Diffuse almost all of my energy. I miss my parents so badly. Seriously. Last time when I was in MMU, the situation is nothing like this. Now, here, it's not the same. I'm not a baby anymore, I know that, but this is too much for me. All I want is going home. But, to do that, that is so not me. I don't want to burden my parents, not anymore. Kena kuat kena kuat, mannn I really have to brace myself. Really! Allah is always by my side. Knowing that, I have to keep strong, for I will let everyone's hopes down by behaving like such a baby. Hati kena kuat! 

Dia ada.

Rindu semua orang. Tak senang nak tabahkan hati, tidak mempedulikan orang. Rindu ma, rindu ayah. Setiap kali bercakap pasal mereka, mesti nangis. Rindu. Rindu sangat. Tapi kalau saya tak kuat, macam mana orang disana yakin saya boleh jaga diri dengan baik kan? Kena kuatkan hati. Tape. Benda baik ni kadang kadang susah kita nak kekalkan. Tula cabarannya. Belajar semakin susah, ye memang semakin susah. Tapi kalau tak susah, mana nak dapat thrill tu kan? Mana nak dapat keindahan selepas tu? Kan? Kita kena yakin kita mampu, makanya Allah pasti tolong kita. Sedih senang susah suka, semua dengan Dia. Mengubah diri tak semudah mengubah tulisan yang boleh didelete begitu sahaja. Memerlukan sifat istiqamah, memerlukan semangat. Nak mencari syurga, kenalah bersusah susah dulu, pastu bersenang senang kemudian, kan? InshaAllah mencari nur itu akan dibantu Dia. Rindu sahabat sahabat. Tapi kadang kadang kita kena tinggalkan orang yang kita sayang untuk sesuatu yang lebih penting. Tape, Allah ade bersama. Tape. :)

New.

Alhamdulillah. Things went well. The transfer, the house, the campus, the people, family and myself. All went well, thanks to Him. This is going to be a great starter inshaAllah. As long as we keep holding on to Him, He will always help us in many ways. So, live life with a smile! :)

semua orang ada kepala angin masing masing kan. saya pon. tp kalau berhemah sikit masa bercakap, masa berbincang tu, salah ke? saya cukup pantang kalau saya cakap elok elok, tapi orang cakap kat kita balik mcm kita ni hamba abdi, main tengking tengking. ape nye? hormat menghormati la tua muda pon. kalau yang tua je nak dia dihormati, abis yang muda ni? best je nak hinyak hinyak? aku dgr je org tengking, terus ah suara sebak, airmata mengalir. time tu kalau bercakap tak guna akal, bercakap guna orang tengah, syaitan. saya manusia biasa. ada waktu sempat istigfar, sabaar dalam diri, tp kdg kdg alpa. apa salahnya saling mengingatkan. kalau berbincang, kalau bercakap, motif nak salahkan orang tanpa usul periksa, nak tengking sana sini macam diri sendiri tu raja sekalian alam, tolonglah fikir, orang lain pon ada perasaan. awak tak membantu langsung. kalau pon takreti nak membantu, bagi sokongan la. susah? mahal? berat? aku takfaham la dgn sesetengah manusia. hari hari makan hati. aku penat nak layan drama murahan gini.

So, yes, I hope that you're having fun bluffing around. Because that's what makes you, you. 

Over my limitations.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE STOP TRYING SO HARD.

Advance farewell.

If I were meant to off to somewhere else, alhamdulillah. I have no words to tell you how much I would be grateful for that. And people, thank you for the memories. Thank you for giving me so much pain. They taught me a lot. I would be off, quietly. You people have hurt me so deep that I wouldn't be able to forget that. Yes, I've forgave you guys since ages, but to forget? No, not me. I tend not to forget whatever things happened to me, so that it would be a lesson for me, in future. Thank you for the sweet talks, thank you for everything. It must be hard on you to pretend like you're comfortable having me around, no? I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry for every bad deeds that I've done. So, this is an advance farewell. Till soon. 

And this goes to her. :)

And this goes to my love. She's the one that I knew will never let me go, the one that will never make me cry, the one that will never break me. Yes, she is the one. Friends, come and go, but this one, the one that I took for much closer than a sibling, never pluck her feet away. She knows something that others don't, she talks something that others won't and she gives something that others can't. I miss her I miss her I miss her. Being a medical student, I know how hard it is to juggle around her chores and school, so...(I am so sorry b, I know that you are so busy, that's why I rarely bugging you around lately). All the best with your exams, tests, labs, corpses (? hihi). I know that you will be doing just fine, all the way through. May all the demons of heart stay away from you, far away. O Allah, I miss her. :(