There's a story behind every person. There's a reason why they're the way they are. They aren't just like that because they want to. Something in the past created them, and sometimes it's impossible to fix them.

Just because you can't understand something, it doesn't mean it's wrong

Susahnya nak puaskan hati semua orang. I kadang nak tido pon tak sempat, janganlah demand sangat mintak I ade ngan you setiap masa, setiap minit. Bukan benci tp I memang busy yang amat. Kalau ikot rekod, dah 3,4 hari I tak tido leklok. Sakit belakang toksah cite ah. Bukan nak mengeluh tapi sekurangnya tolong lah paham keadaan. Semua orang nak perhatian, memanglah. Tapi bila I dah bagi sepenuh perhatian kt you, you plak entah kemana. I penat lah macam ni. I sehabis baik jaga hati semua orang. Dalam satu hari 3,4 tempat I pegi sebab nak jumpe kawan yang ajak jumpa. I tak sampai hati nak cakap takboleh, biar pun lambat I pastikan jugak I jumpa depa. Tak kesahla tang tu kan. I ni fon pon kadang I lupa mana I letak, pagi tu I check tgk fon, pastu esok pagi nye plak baru I tgk balik. Bukan setiap masa I duk pegang fon tu je. Facebook dah memang lama dah tak online hari hari macam dulu. Blog ni pon baru nak update ni ha. Hehe. I suka mcm ni. Busy. Sebab I akan lupa masalah ape semua. Ye I tau jaga diri. Selagi boleh, I jaga diri I ni. Mane ade yang kuang ajaq, I terajang je. Hehehe. Okayy nak smbung buat kije sat. Love you. :)

a letter to my dad. :)

assalamualaikum ayah. its been an ages since we hang out together but its never been a day that you won't be waking me up. i can bear listening to mom's mumbling about i'm getting up late and such, but listening to your calm voice, asking me to wake up and solat, its like a trigger for me. but then, i could barely having my breakfast with you. you always being the workaholic and busy. but i really understand that. i really do. when you have extra times before, during your working period with MARA, i wasn't here. i was at the boarding school, trying to get away just to see you after your working time. i can only see you during my weekends, if i'm lucky enough to pass by the guards and wardens. hihi. and now, when you've started your business, it's realllly hard to see you. you've gone through thick and bushes to grow us all, i really appreciate that and nothing could ever replaced or do such things that you have done to us. being able to put up with my childish behaviour and such, oh really, my mom pon couldn't bear much with my attitude of being pampered and cried over small things, but you always smile whenever i cry. and worried of course. hahaa. facing your anger is one of my biggest fear in this world. hah, really, being the youngest siblings in your family really doesn't help you to be a fierce daddy. you are trying your very hard to be garang kan ayah? hahaha. how cute. i'm sorry to burden you with all my needs and unnecessary things that i demand every month, every day. i really hope Allah will give you well-health for me to just show you that you didn't bring me up for nothing. one day, i'll show you, that behind every single child's success, there is a superman behind them. who we called, ayah. :) thank you for everything. thank you so muchh, if i were a bill gates-to-be pon it wouldn't be enough of everything to pay you with. i love you so much. more than what this letter can contain. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY AYAH. YOU'RE INDEED THE MOST FABULOUS DADDY IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD. :)

Ya Allah. sangat penat memang taktahan. tp alhamdulillah dah abes satu program. lagi 2,3 program tgh beratur tunggu giliran. -___- banyak hari tak online. tak hapdet blog bukan sebab malas tapi tak sempat. alah, nak tgk fon pon waktu malam je yang sempat, ini pulak nak online kan. memang tak ah. ohh. saya agak geram dengan kampus saya sebenarnya. time foundation aritu pung pang pung pang cakap boleh credit transfer certain subjects tp ni dah degree cakap tak boleh pulak. apehal? yelaaa dah memang duit makayah saya tu buat tuk bayar yuran berpuluh ribu gitu je. tape tape. BEST SANGAT blaja mende sama 2,3 kali. best wooo. hmph. :I

banyak benda tak sempat nak buat. 2,3 benda nak setel dalam satu hari memang tak sempat la. ni saya nak pegi follow-up kt hospital pon tak sempat. janganla marah kalau ade sape sape yang ajak keluar, saya tak boleh nak pegi. bukan taknak, hah tipulah kalau taknak, tapi dah tak sempat. kalau sempat pon, duk rush je. janganlah marah. saya bukan sengaja. ada komitmen.

and my baby mimie dah balik. yeaaha. at least kalau nak nanges tu ade dia boleh tlg lap. hehe. nak jumpe dia this sunday tp tunggu mimie confirmkan dulu. i love you b.

ohh. and really. some time-out and silence kill those unpleasant feelings. even kene lupakan pasal hati sendiri, i don't mind. sebab our friendship meant so much more for me. cuma itulah. for me to be the first who saying sorry, who saying hi or such, that, really makes me sad. am i really your friend my dear? or am i just a stranger? hmm papelah. the thing is, i won't end this friendship unless you said so. :)

i'm really. really really really tired. gotta get some nap. take care everyone. byee. :)

REZEKI DI TANGAN ALLAH.

Sedih tetap sedih. Apa boleh buat bukan rejeki kelate. Sobs. Tapelah Daud Su, saya tak marah. Kalau bukan kerana tandukan awak tu pun bola tu masuk gawang jugak. Tapelaahh. Tahun tahun depan ada. Kena lagi gomo bia koho parok. Hehe. Sekurang kurangnya negeri lain takdak masuk final macam kitaaa. Yeah!

Enough with all those dramas. I'm afraid one day I jadi kejam and cakap bukan bukan kat kamu. Haih. Things are getting lagi complicated. Buat lagi sebab untuk move out lagi kuat. Thank you very much. Seriously, saya dah tundukkan diri saya ni serendah yang boleh dah. People just can't get enough of everything kan? That's why I'm so afraid of people saying sayang etc sebab most of them don't even mean it pon. Saje cakap buat ape. :I I'm really want to move out. Tapi there are several things yang kena pikir betul betul sebab once pindah, takboleh main main angkut bagasi macam akademi fantasia tu. -.- I rasa He already gave me so many signs. Its just I've been too soft-hearted(like what they said) and pikir the other way around. And yes, do everything you could, everything that come across your mind, do everything irrelevant or bad, I won't bite you. I hope He will make you realized one day, that no one deserved to be treated like a total pathetic loser. I have Him by my side, do you? Go figure.

p/s : WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT REALLY? SIMPANG SIUR JE KARANGAN KAT ATAS. -__-

I miss her so much. I cried a lot since her absence. She is the one who hold me tight, keeps my tears from falling down. Seems like a week is like a year. :(

Too many things happened. I'm numb.

SOME PEOPLE REALLY GOT SOME GUTS TO JUST STAY OVER AND PRETEND LIKE THEY KNOW NOTHING, AIN'T THEY? IS THAT SO HARD FOR YOU TO REALIZE THAT I'M SO, REALLY, FREAKING NOT INTO YOU? I HATE THE FACT THAT I'VE TO BROKE SOME HEARTS, BUT THE THING IS, I'M NOT GIVING YOU ANY CHANCES SINCE THE BEGINNING, SO WHY ARE YOU CLAIMING YOUR RIGHT NOW? -______-

Stranger : Hello, sape ni?

Me : You nak cakap ngan sape?

Stranger : Tak, ni sape? Nombor awak ada dalam phone saya.

Me : You yang call, you la bagitau sape you.

Stranger : Ni sape?

Me : Tia *slow je

Stranger : Tiah?

Me : Yes, whatever.

Stranger : Rokiah?

Me : AAH! Bye.

Few minutes after.

Stranger : Rokiah mane ni ek?

Monolog dalaman juga luaran - Malah baso aku nok reply.

Few days after.

Stranger : Hi rokiah.

Monolog dalaman juga luaran - ROKIAH MUNG!

Ggggrr manusia mana nih? Tak reti reti ke kalau orang tak pickup calls, tak reply texts tu maksudnya orang MALAH NOK BASO. Susah betol.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY #3 (be different)

talk harshly, i might be rude to you. talk honestly, i might become your best friend. talk smartly, i might respect you. and talk softly, i might be falling in love with you. :) aumm. ;p

You know that feeling

When you're just waiting

Waiting to get home, to your room

Close the door, fall into bed

And just everything out that you kept in all day

That feeling of both relief and desperation

Nothing is wrong

But nothing is right either

And you're tired

Tired of everything

Tired of nothing

And you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay

But no one's going to be there

And you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you

But you're tired of waiting

Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else

Tired of being strong

And for once

You just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved

But you know you won't be

But you''re still hoping and you're still wishing

And you're still staying strong and fighting

With tears in your eyes

You're fighting

- mimie dah pegi Egypt dah. dia pi amek barang dia kat sana nak bawak balik. SEMINGGU dia kat sana. I dah nak stat meroyan dah ni. tak biasa satu hari tak sembang ngan dia. :( I'll be missing her a lot. :I


- packnye schedule saya seminggu dua ni. nak pengsan. -____- kadang nak tido taknak bangun mandi taknak bangun drive. -___-


- my backpain is getting worse by time. edit gamba, buat design duk tercongok depan pc sejam pon lenguh semacam dah. rasa mcm nak patah belakang. :I

- ARRGHH. I rindu semua orang. mana dorang pegi ni. :(

SUGAR GLIDER.
DALAM PROSES MENAMBAH MINAT AYAH MENGENAI DIA. :D

Its been ages since I update blog ni. Semalam nak update tp kene buat yang wordless wednesday tu. Hehe. Banyakkk hal yang jadi last few weeks. Being miserable enough about being my trueself, about taking care of others heart who doesn't even bother to take care mine, met up with strangers yang eventually jadi rapat tak hengat, haha and more or less about being patience. Pening pale tgk calendar penuh ngan schedule. Kadang rasa macam nak tidooo je lelama kat hospital tu takyah nak amek kesah psl sume ni. Tapi mana boleh kan? Hmm. Rasa mcm nak duk senyaaapp je taoksah cakap ngan sapa sapa. Tapi mana boleh mcm tu. Hm. Kadang kadang being a total ignorance pon ada baiknya tapi alang alang gini, tak kan nak lupa kawan je kan. Tak contact satu hari pon rasa lain macam dah, ini pulak kalau nak buat muka masam taknak angkat call taknak reply texts. Haih. -____- Tapelah. I think I'm happy. For now. Yelah, under certain circumtances, menangis still hobi no 1. Memang tak reti nak express marah, sedih, kecewa apa semua melainkan nangis. Hahaha. Super lame.


OH. I'VE BEEN COUNTING DAYS TUNGGU CINTA HATI SEMUA BALIK. SYAMI BALIK DAH. IYEAH! MIRA PON. TUNGGU NIK, CENUN, NAKO, SYIMAH, ANA (are you coming home dear?), AND SEMUA YANG LAIN. Memang tak ah nak check result 5th june ni sbb takot merosakkan mood. Hahaha. Till then. :)

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY #2