so, yes.

I have nothing to update.
I'm happy. With people around me. No time allocated for any hatred. Alhamdulillah.










Again, I have nothing to update.

Rumahtangga yang bahagia bukan terbina semata-mata 

dengan akad nikah yang sah. Ia memerlukan persediaan, 

bukan semata-mata anganan.

His Promise.

“And if My slaves ask you about me, I am near. I answer the duas of the one making the dua if they call upon Me.” Baqarah 186

InshaAllah, He will ease it all, in fact He is The One who always do that. :)

Of us. And truth.

Sometimes, it takes distances for us to realize the true meaning of love and pure relationship. 

I miss us. ;(((

Forgiveness.

‎"Forgiveness is not for the weak. 

Being able to forgive those who have wronged you is a mark of spiritual strength and confidence. 

When you forgive, you grow, your heart begins to heal, your back straightens up, your eyes clear so that you can see the road ahead. 

Anger is a spiritual sickness; but when you forgive you live."

Alhamdulillah. Things went well here. I'm happy with my life now. I'm happy with my family, with my sister's getting married, with my loveable new housemates, new friends, with him, with everyone and most importantly with Allah's blessings inshaAllah. I'm very very grateful for that and I couldn't ask for more. He is indeed The Almighty God, He knows what to give to His servants. Despite of all the tests, alhamdulillah, He rewarded me with the top notch blasts. May all things stay this way, and if there is more after this, make me more grateful for You and if there is going to be less than this in future, put my heart still and never lose hope in You. Have a good day people, and be grateful:)

p/s : Please 'people', don't ruin this. Let me be happy, even if this is the least that I could have.

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Do you ever wonder why often you can’t have the things you want most? Perhaps if you got them in this life, they would distract you from Him. Perhaps He withholds some things that you love in this life to keep your heart from being distracted…and then gives those things to you in the next. Forever.

-Yasmin Mogahed

Sometimes, I'm just tired of giving out too much.

Aladdin and Jasmine.

New version of Aladdin and Jasmine.

Aladdin:	Would you like to take a ride on my magic carpet?
Jasmine:	Um...
Aladdin:	Listen habibti, I can take you to a whole new world ;-)
Jasmine:	Have you talked to my mahram yet?
Aladdin:	Well no... but...
Jasmine:	So you think you can just fly up here and I'll hop on your "magic carpet" and ride to a "whole new world" with you??
Aladdin:	Well that was the plan but...
Jasmine:	Brotha please, go talk to him about my dowry and when there's a ring on it I'll fly with you anywhere. Until then, go see if Snow White is free. She lives with 7 men, I'm sure she'd like to go to a whole new world with you.

One step at a time.

I want to trust people more, and I did. I want to love people more, and I did. I want to care for people more, and I did. I want to forgive and forget people's bad deeds, and I did. I want to do every single thing that will make me happier and more grateful than I am now. InshaAllah. One step at a time. :)

School days. Back then.

Playback a few videos that remind me of my school days back then. Tears falling. Oh I've been missing those moments so much. How sometimes, we don't want to grow up to face the future, how sometimes, we were so eagerly want to grow up to skip away from the problems. Man, I miss the fights, I miss the chaos, I miss the laugh, I miss the happiness, I miss everything that my school days brought me into. To be honest, what I am today, is build from what I were before. It feels so good seeing your friends, long lost friends though they appeared only in those photos and videos. I miss the yelling from the teachers, the tantrum over the morning roll call. Oh. 5 years since I've left my school yet its memories smeared everywhere. We were that students, that MRSM's students that people always talk so loud about. We were that naughty students, we were that hardworking mental breakdown students, but that is what make we as we are today. Bet over my finger, you will always, and always cherish the school days moments forever. More or less, the memories will always buried in our heart.

Not tonight.

So, cheat me over and over again. Toy me like I am no human. It is so sickening how I am able to forgive you despite of everything that you've done. All those terrible things. It is totally sickening. No, it is not okay to play with my heart, it is not okay to play with anyone's heart. I'm sorry but you got no privileges to do that. Not in million years. I hate you for making me this fragile. I hate you for breaking my heart. Just because. I hate you. 

A sudden.

It's an-early-in-the-morning-feeling that make my heart pounded. It's weird. I guess it's a 'missing' syndrome. Or just a feeling. Was it too much if I've ever hoped that we will get back together, for good this time, forever till jannah? Long lost memories come and hit me again, please don't hit me hard. Second time is not good to play around you see.

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Just a simple talk.

Well, I just have a feel to write this. 

To be what I am now, it's not that easy. And to be you is not that easy too, so embrace yourself people! Difficulties, they are everywhere. But I've once listened to a talk given by Dr. Muhaya, she said that, despite of focusing to all the difficulties or challenges or sickness that we've been going through, why don't we just appreciate of what we have now? Be grateful for them as there are so many graces that Allah gave us that could empower all the difficulties. For example, if people ask, 'hey, how are you?', we should have replied, 'Alhamdulillah, I'm feeling good.' instead of 'I'm good, but I think I'm going to catch a fever soon'. My dear, we haven't get any fever yet, but it seems like we are celebrating and inviting it to come, didn't we? Well, I used to replied in that manner before*slap*slap. Indeed, we can't change ourselves instantly, but we will, slowly and istiqamah, if we are determined to. A journey to be a better Muslim is not easy, but it is not that hard either. I've seen that scenario around me. Pluck the courage inside you, because deep down, every human being just want to be a good and better human being. 

This is the least of what I have to pay for what I aimed for. Pengorbanan. It demands more than just a homesickness. Grab almost all my souls. Diffuse almost all of my energy. I miss my parents so badly. Seriously. Last time when I was in MMU, the situation is nothing like this. Now, here, it's not the same. I'm not a baby anymore, I know that, but this is too much for me. All I want is going home. But, to do that, that is so not me. I don't want to burden my parents, not anymore. Kena kuat kena kuat, mannn I really have to brace myself. Really! Allah is always by my side. Knowing that, I have to keep strong, for I will let everyone's hopes down by behaving like such a baby. Hati kena kuat! 

Dia ada.

Rindu semua orang. Tak senang nak tabahkan hati, tidak mempedulikan orang. Rindu ma, rindu ayah. Setiap kali bercakap pasal mereka, mesti nangis. Rindu. Rindu sangat. Tapi kalau saya tak kuat, macam mana orang disana yakin saya boleh jaga diri dengan baik kan? Kena kuatkan hati. Tape. Benda baik ni kadang kadang susah kita nak kekalkan. Tula cabarannya. Belajar semakin susah, ye memang semakin susah. Tapi kalau tak susah, mana nak dapat thrill tu kan? Mana nak dapat keindahan selepas tu? Kan? Kita kena yakin kita mampu, makanya Allah pasti tolong kita. Sedih senang susah suka, semua dengan Dia. Mengubah diri tak semudah mengubah tulisan yang boleh didelete begitu sahaja. Memerlukan sifat istiqamah, memerlukan semangat. Nak mencari syurga, kenalah bersusah susah dulu, pastu bersenang senang kemudian, kan? InshaAllah mencari nur itu akan dibantu Dia. Rindu sahabat sahabat. Tapi kadang kadang kita kena tinggalkan orang yang kita sayang untuk sesuatu yang lebih penting. Tape, Allah ade bersama. Tape. :)

New.

Alhamdulillah. Things went well. The transfer, the house, the campus, the people, family and myself. All went well, thanks to Him. This is going to be a great starter inshaAllah. As long as we keep holding on to Him, He will always help us in many ways. So, live life with a smile! :)

semua orang ada kepala angin masing masing kan. saya pon. tp kalau berhemah sikit masa bercakap, masa berbincang tu, salah ke? saya cukup pantang kalau saya cakap elok elok, tapi orang cakap kat kita balik mcm kita ni hamba abdi, main tengking tengking. ape nye? hormat menghormati la tua muda pon. kalau yang tua je nak dia dihormati, abis yang muda ni? best je nak hinyak hinyak? aku dgr je org tengking, terus ah suara sebak, airmata mengalir. time tu kalau bercakap tak guna akal, bercakap guna orang tengah, syaitan. saya manusia biasa. ada waktu sempat istigfar, sabaar dalam diri, tp kdg kdg alpa. apa salahnya saling mengingatkan. kalau berbincang, kalau bercakap, motif nak salahkan orang tanpa usul periksa, nak tengking sana sini macam diri sendiri tu raja sekalian alam, tolonglah fikir, orang lain pon ada perasaan. awak tak membantu langsung. kalau pon takreti nak membantu, bagi sokongan la. susah? mahal? berat? aku takfaham la dgn sesetengah manusia. hari hari makan hati. aku penat nak layan drama murahan gini.

So, yes, I hope that you're having fun bluffing around. Because that's what makes you, you.